Sean Kingston, MTV and Suicide

Did anyone notice that the Sean Kingston video for 'Beautiful Girls' bleeps out the word suicidal? For some reason I felt like a surpressed minority...kinda like bleeping out the word gay because people shouldn't have to hear it. It really made me mad that they did that and I'm not sure why...

A Porn Star's Tragedy

There's this story about a young gay pornstar named Brent Corrigan that's very...well it reminds me of Death of a Salesman in a lot of ways. It's a tragedy that follows the downfall of an average 'every-man' instead of someone set on a pedestal. The story goes that a young 17 year old from the Pacific Northwest moved out to San Diego to live with his Mom who ended up not being able to take adequate care of him. He moved to SoCal hoping to follow his interst in film. That's when he met his boyfriend who ended up webcamming Brent while he was asleep and sent it to a porn company. Cobra Sutdios ended up hiring him for a video. Brent emailed a copy of his fake ID...they never questioned it or asked to see the real ID. In fact, they woudn't listen to him when he tried to tell them he was underage. He did some bareback sex in his videos and they sold extremely well. Brent developed a relationship with the Cobra Video owner Bryan Kocis and ended up being obligated to continue his sexual relationship with him unless he wanted to end his livelihood. Bryan ended up screwing him over and taking all his money. It ended up going to the courts and Brent won (albeit not completely), but isn't that such a tragic story? Later, Bryan Kocis ended up being murdered by two men that were later apprehended.

No one understands how much the adult industry can affect the minds of young gay men. Imagine living in a broken home, then coming to San Diego to better your life, getting into the porn industry at 17, then having your life ruined by a creepy gay man that takes over everything you own. I think that Gus Van Sant would make a perfect movie out of this.

Tiesto - Elements of Life

DJ Tiesto was a little disappointing, but still awesome. He played his Elements of Life songs and a few of his past hits, but he didn't even do Colour My Eyes or Your Loving Arms! Shit...all about the new album these days...I met up with Molly. At the concert, the hottest guy ever gave me a light show and that definitely made my night. And I made sure to give all my friends a call from the concert...for some reason I felt so satisfied after doing that.

When we got back to the house around 4:15 we just sat around and blazed. The nice part was that I fell asleep like a baby. I think it was because I danced so much that I sweated like crazy. I felt that a little bit, but it wasn't as bad as usual. Then 'he' called my and it brightened my day even more. We just chatted about our weekends and what's been going on in our lives...and of course, me being the awkward one who despises phones, randomly says "I've been sleeping all day and I'm kinda tired so I better go." I don't know...maybe its just me but I felt like I was being such an awkward sketchball after that. He's going for an interview for a Hilary Clinton campaign position? How freaking amazing is that? Me...I still have yet to finish my resume and cover letter.

Weeds

I think it is worthwhile mentioning that Mary Kate Olsen will be in Weeds Season 3! She is going to be amazing! She is planned to play Silas' ultra-conservative, Christian girlfriend in 10 of the 15 episodes. Is it sad that I think the anorexic look is beautiful in some aspects? Nicole Richie, Paris Hilton, Keira Knightley, Lindsay Lohan...they all shiver me timbers. It'll be interesting considering she has never acted outside of the little/teenage girl venue.

I talked to my mom last night about being gay and what that meant to her. It was kind of a hard thing to talk about with her but all in all I think we hit a few good notes. She had certain concerns about me becoming one of the gays that shove huge steel balls up their asses, or one of the slutty gays, or a flamboyant gay. I had to explain to her that I'm just Nick and that telling her that I'm gay isn't going to change my personality and my choice of sexual lifestyle. I'M STILL THE SAME PERSON! I also told them all aobut my past history with drugs...I told them all the details about everything I've done...my Dad seemed to be intrigued but my Mom got sad. So today I'm gonna stay at home with those 2 and hang out...bonding time. Tomorrow I have to drive out to LA to pick up my new car! Pissat with black leather interior! I'll take some pics and post them soon.

A Very Gay Weekend

This weekend I went up to Berkeley and had the most amazing time. I got in touch with my gay roots hanging out with 5 other extremely good-looking, fun guys. I drove out to LA friday morning to meet Jack (who was about 1 hour late in meeting me!) and we left for norcal from there. On the grapevine he almost hit a car, overturned to compensate, fishtailed, then did 2 360s until we ended up in the empty carpool lane. It was one of those moments where your life flashes before your eyes.

The rest of the weekend was great. We drank every hour of every day it seemed like. The first night we stayed in and drank, the next night we went clubbing in the castro and drank, the next night we went wine-tasting in Napa in a limo (yea we are that gay), followed by a little pre-partying at their house and another trip to the Castro.

One of the four guys that lives at the house is amazing. I wasn't looking for a relationship, but after meeting him I've decided that he is everything I'm looking for. Minus the fact that he's in a relationship. His boyfriend saw him kiss me and it got tense after that, but I hope that he felt something too and it will work out well. He was telling me that the last time thay got in a fight, his boyfriend hit him in the face and that he doesn't want to date someone like that. I hope I don't fuck things up, but at the same time I really really wanna be with him. He's quiet at first but a great talker after that, he is gorgeous, intelligent, successful, great tast in fashion and music, great friends...it's been a long time since I found any half-decent person at Cal. I don't wanna be too overbearing so I'm gonna let him decide what the next step is.

Next weekend is Tiesto!

Vegalicious

Last weekend I went to vegas and it was exactly like the scene out of a movie. 9 of us, frinds from high school, randomly decided we were all gonna go to Vegas together as a last summer trip. Tina and I met Sherry in Orange County and we left on our trip with all our goodies in hand and a lot of excitement. Traffic sucked so we blazed in the car and finally got to the Sahara around 5PM. The Sahara (which is dilapidated and not anywhere near the strip) was so trashy inside and the room was super small, but then again there were 9 of us sleeping in there so anything short of the Playboy suite wouldn't have sufficed.

From there we went to Nicky and Sammy's place in The Palms and had a few lines to prepare for the night. The rest of the group met us there and then we went to Hard Rock. It was such a shitshow, but so much fun. We drank and got twacked out til about 6 in the morning. Then Sam, Sherry, Tina and I went to eat at 24/7 and met these black guys who told Sam they wanted to lick her pussy. Tina, Sherry and I decided to go back early to the room and fell asleep only to wake up to the guys busting into the room screaming and trashing everything in sight...including kicking Tina out of the bed (she ended up sleeping on the floor with a towel). It was so hilarious to see all my friends wasted and just having an amazing time and creating these long lasting memories. Thank god we had Nazi Tina to take lots of pictures. We all blazed late into the night until we passed out.

The next day we woke up around 1 and went to the pool at the Palms, where the previous day they had playmate auditions, and we saw Mario Lopez! Yay! Basically we didn't eat the whole weekend cause we were either hungover. That night we decided the strip would be fun so we all went down there, but not before Tina and I, indulged in some ToSeeBees. Created an interesting night for us. I ended having a great time and had such a good feeling in my body, while she got extremely irritated and wouldn't talk to anyone. One of our friends somehow ended up in a limo where he met a serbian driver who had yay. Basically it was crazy. The next day we just blazed and left back to Orange County to get back to our average lives. I know I have understated the amount of fun we had together, but it was exactly like a movie and my friends are so great! We were for sure the group of fun friends that everyone wants to be a part of. Everywhere we went we had so much fun.

Troubled Disappointment

"There is also a troubled insouciance in his characters despite the appearance of living out a seeming fantasy – the clothes, the looks and lounging in the midst of a quasi-orgy fest – there is something fragile and complex about his characters," said Paul Cochran of Aishti Magazine.

I love art and culture. I saw this art on thebobblog and it reminded me of a few other amazing artists: Eric Fischl, David Salle, David Lachapelle, Paul Émile Chabas and Andres Serrano. I know it sounds cheesy but the works of these artists really embody how I would want my art to be. I don't want to get all emo, but they are just so stunning and speak to disillusioned youth. Very F. Scott Fitzgerald for modern day.