Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Arrests, Overdoses, Rehabs, and Homelessness


I never really updated my blog when a lot of shit was going down in my life these last few months so I thought I would fill you all in on some of the major highlights.

In April, I tried to kill myself after living with this old man that I married for drugs and money. It was a super unhealthy relationship and I knew it but I was so addicted and I had no where else to go. Yeah I ahd a pretty decent life... a car, a million dolar home, free oxycontin, and lots of money and nice dinners, but I was so dead inside. EVeryday I wanted to die and had to do more nad more drugs in order to keep from killing myself. Little did I know that I was slowly killing myself anyways. One day I had two suicide attempts while I was living with him and he threatened to call the cops on me. I ended up in a 51-50 hold (extended into a 52-50 hold) out in Indio, California.

My first time going through there they tried detoxing me using Oxycontin. They were giving me like 4 80s a day along with a whole bunch of Klonopin. Basically I was in heaven. I had my friend come check me out and they actually gave me a prescription for Oxy and Pins and told me to continue my taper down. Yeah right... I totally abused the shit out of those pills. What was supposed to last me about one month was gone in a matter of days. Since I had nowhere to go and no money to buy more pills, I checked myself back into the mental hospital, told them what I did, and they 52-50'd me again and this time detoxed me with methadone.

From there I went to rehab out in Indian Wells. I did a 30 day stint there and went to there sober living out in Culver City. I lasted about two months but around July Fourth I got kicked out for smoking some weed and shooting morphine. They literally kicked me out to the streets. I moved in with this crazy anorexic addict girl for about two weeks but soon I wasn't able to stay there any longer either. From there, I went to Orange County and did the couch surfing thing for a good month or two before I ended up getting kicked out of every single one of my friend's places. I had no options left except to go to a homeless shelter. The night that I was supposed to go to the shelter, I ended up doing some acid, shooting up ativan, drinking, smoking some bud and meth and somehow woke up in the streets of santa monica with no way to get back to the homeless shelter that I was hoping to sleep at. I called my girlfriend and desperately asked her to pick me up cause I didn't know what to do. So she picked me up and brought some heroin and xanax and we ended up nodding off in her car near LAX.

The cops ended up waking us up and soon we were being aressted and taken to Lennnox jail in Inglewood. Good ol' Inglewood. She got released before I did and went back home so I was stuck out in the middle of Inglewood with just the clothes on my back, literally. I had no ID, no money, nothing. Luckily I was so loaded from when we got arrested that I didn't remember any of the three days that I spent in Lennox. I went straight to get foodstamps at the EBT office and thought that everything was godo now that I had some foodstamps. I really was thinking, 'Things could be worse.' But pretty soon I was stealing cans of dust off from CVS and had traded all of my foodstamps for crack. Now I was right back where I started the day I got out of jail nad had nowhere left to go. After begging for money at the 105 freeway exit for a few days, I finally gave in and decided to call my parents.

My dad picked me up grudgingly and brought me back to their house in Palm Desert. They reminded me every day that it was only gonna be a temporary thing and that I shouldn't plan on being in their house for very long. After a week of them deciding where to take me next and not coming up with any good ideas, I started sneaking out and doing heroin pretty much everyday. One night my dad caught me nodding off in the kitchen, drug tested me and I was kciked out the next day. They drove me to my heroin buddy's house and I had a few more days of getting high before she ended up taking me to the homeless shelter in Palm Springs. After two weeks there, I was back in rehab (thank god for insurance!) and I spent two months there (snuck out twice to do some G and smoke some meth). From rehab I was driven out to Orange County to where I now reside, the Friendship Shelter. It's basically a glorified homeless shelter.

When I got here though I immediately proceeded to slip back into my old ways and started getting high pretty much every day again. Meth, Oxy, Morphine, Xanax, Valium, G, whatever I could get my hands on I made sure to do as much as possible. Two overdoses later the staff finally figured out what the fuck I was doing and put me on some sever restrictions. I basically wasn't allowed to leave the house for about a month and today I'm still watched super closely, but atleast they let me get a job.

WHEW! So that's an update on what brought to where I am today.

Life As I Know It


ASH STYMEST (my favorite model in the world)

Several updates on me:

1. The love of my life and I decided it's best if we don't see eachother anymore cause one of us would surely die if we got back together again. We know it for a fact. We have been close many times (ugh...getting arrested in Inglewood was a nightmare) and we have both accepted that our love will never fade but it's best for the both of us right now to maintain some distance... well, a lot of distance. We were the modern day Romeo and Juliet (mixed in with some Bonnie & Clyde). A dynamic duo that worked so well together that we would frequently know what each other were thinking and could read eachother's thoughts through our eyes alone. It's so amazing to have such a strong connection with someone like that atleast once in your life and I worry that I may never find someone like that again, but I know for a fact that her and I cannot continue the thing we once had. Everyone in both of our lives told us repeatedly that we were killing one another and that we were so bad for eachother but we just couldn't stop. We were addicted... to one another.

2. I have started a super intense diet and exercise routine to help lose as much fat/weight as possible. I know I'm already a decent weight but I definitely could stand to lose a few pounds and definitely some fat. I have been doing yoga nad running almost everyday for the last two weeks and I already see some great results. I just need to keep on the right track and eventually I will look like a Dior Homme model. A boy can dream can't he? Breakfast today was a few tablespoons of nonfat greek yogurt, lunch was a piece of chicken breast (that I didn't keep down...whoopsi!), and dinner tonight will hopefully be a few carrot sticks and maybe a salad and lots of water. Gotta shed that weight!!!

3. I have two jobs right now. I am working as crepe chef at the Irvine Spectrum and I am also working as a front desk person at an Urgent Care in Irvine. The Urgent Care is paying me about four more dollars per hour and I like it a lot better there. I would love to do both but the manager at the crepe place is kinda bitchy and won't let me have Saturdays off which is when the Urgent Care will be needing me every week. I am just gonna have to face the music and tell the crepe lady that I'm gonna have to quit if I can't have Saturdays off. That's the only way I'm gonna make this work. I want to do both, but it looks like I'm gonna have to make a choice for one over the other. Going from no jobs and being homeless to having to decide between two jobs. Wow...crazy... never thought I would actually have to turn down a job.

4. I have been clean from heroin for 44 days now. It's crazy how many things have been working out in my life since I got sober. I have been getting free accupuncture, free therapy, free psychiatry, I have two jobs, I have my family back in my life, and I will be getting certified as a lifeguard pretty soon (also for free). Yes, I am still homeless but I'm working my way out of the hole I dug for myself for so many years.